Eulogy
by QueenSaiyan
Summary: Set directly after the events of the Cell saga, Vegeta is crushed and almost driven to insanity by Goku's death. Full of angsty Vegeta goodness. **posted on Mediaminer, but first time posting on FF.net ^^** Rated R for language only.


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Eulogy

A songfic by QueenSaiyan

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Set to "Eulogy" by Tool  
Song lyrics are denoted by a ~  
Vegeta's P.O.V.

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~ He had a lot to say.  
_"What's your problem? You know how to receive mercy, but not give it."_

~ He had a lot of nothing to say.

~_ "We'll miss him."_

~_ "So long."  
_~_ "We wish you well."_

This sentimental drivel they spout. His friends. _His_ friends, and my son from the future, who came to see _him_, not me. To confide in him, to save his life, to increase my shame tenfold at failing to live up to my Saiyan heritage. Just like _he_ had, stealing my birthright in the name of saving the innocent. Ha. As if there was ever such a thing. 

~ You told us you weren't afraid to die.

"_Goodbye, friends._" Your voice echoes mockingly in my mind. You were not addressing me. 

~ Well then, so long.

Heartless bastard.

~Don't cry, or feel too down.

I mimic those weak excuses for fighters; they do not know the meaning of pain. The loss of a father? I have known it. The loss of my race. My innocence. My son. My life. My soul. My pride. I hate you for that. 

~ Not all martyrs see divinity.

I was the last true Saiyan, their Prince, fighting for the honour of my people. Frieza – he mocked me, toyed with me, beat me into the dust while everyone else looked on. Your friends were waiting for you to come and save them. I wept hot tears of shame and bitterness, reduced to begging you to finish what Death would not let me. I went to hell in my martyrdom. You did not finish it. I hate you for that. 

~ But at least you tried.

Everyone knew and loved him; everyone knew and loved to need him. But what of his Prince? What of me, the cynical figure eternally obscured behind him? I cultivated their fear, their respect, like a prized flower. It bloomed for one brief, glorious moment of pride and redemption, the throbbing gold of my Saiyan ancestry, only to rot and stink in the face of my weakness. I could not defeat Cell, and in him, the tormentors of my youth and present. 

~ Standing above the crowd,

~ He had a voice that was strong and loud. 

My hard-won glory paled to insignificance in the face of his effortless strength, and that of his son. My poisonous hate and jealousy, triggered by the cruel irony that the elite Prince of his people is surpassed by a third-class moron who has given up his heritage. I hate him for that. 

~ _"We'll miss him."_

Their faces float past, murmuring these inanities, my future son and heir among them. These soft Earthlings have poisoned him, and me as well. What is holding me here, tied like a falcon to a hawker's wrist, but the weakening affliction of peace? Before this, before _him_, I would have destroyed this mud-ball and gone on my way. Before, when I was a Prince instead of his second. 

It was rage and hate that made him a Super Saiyan where I was filled with ignoble jealousy and despair. I laugh, now, at the naïve proclamations about his pure heart, his innocence. It does not take one pure of heart to achieve that legendary status. Oh no, not when my hands drip with blood and my ears are assailed by the dying screams of thousands. As my ancestors' were – MINE, not his. 

~ Ranting and pointing his finger  
~ At everything but his heart.

He condemned his people as brutes, instead embracing the weak ways of humans. Yet the final laugh is ours, for he had to let go his pretences of gentleness in order to defeat Frieza. He had to throw himself into the savagery of his true nature – and I know that he enjoyed it, as a Saiyan does. As I do. 

~ "_We'll miss him."_

These fools are in my head! I scream at them to get out.   
My words to him… "How could you die like that? How? I'll never have the chance to prove my strength against you." You left me behind again, and I have nothing left to live for. Nothing to live for… I hate you for that.

It could have been different. You and I. When I was at the mercy of Frieza, you came to the rescue, and I was glad. Not at the sight of you, but because Frieza would suffer by the hands of a Saiyan, his pride would be demolished. As mine has been. But our friendship was not to be. You said something to me then, as my vision narrowed into black and my pain – this eternal agony that plagues my very soul – faded into oblivion.

~ No way to recall

~ What it was that you had said to me,

~ Like I care at all.

These people in my head.

~ So loud.

~ You sure could yell.

Your strong honour always overrode my rasped whispers of reality. There is no honour on the battlefield. As I had said... It's just a game, play to win, there are no rules. You were deaf to my silent pleas to give me back my Saiyan pride. Ever since you broke me, I have had no choice but to cover the gaping, festering wound in my soul with a plastering of arrogance. 

You.

Bastard.

~ You took a stand on every little thing

__

-- "I am the hope of the universe. I am the answer to all living things that cry out for peace. I am the protector of the innocent. I am the light in the darkness. I am truth." I heard your voice from Hell. -- 

~ And so loud.

__

"Ally to good! Nightmare to you!"

You posturing fool.

~ Standing above the crowd,

~ He had a voice that was strong and loud and I

~ Swallowed his façade 'cause I'm so

~ Eager to identify with

~ Someone above the ground,

- He was my rival. - 

~ Someone who seemed to feel the same,

- He and I were the last. -

~ Someone prepared to lead the way,

- Everyone looked to him. They followed _him_. - 

~ With someone who would die for me.

You throw your life away so casually, never thinking whom it may hurt. Whose lives it could destroy. "Goodbye, friends." It was then that I turned, startled. You did not look at me, as you went to your death. You died. But not for me.

~ Will you? Will you now?

~ Would you die for me?

~ Don't you fucking lie.

~ Don't you step out of line.

~ Don't you fucking lie!

~ You've claimed all this time that you would die for me. 

Do you think you are my saviour? Some kind of Jesus to all the lost Saiyan Princes out there? Wrong. You are my jealousy. You are my hate. You are my curse. 

~ Why, then, are you so surprised when you hear your own eulogy?

You disgust me. You have destroyed me. You have destroyed my son. I have nothing left to live for, and I will never forgive you. 

~ You had a lot to say.

__

"Lighten up, Vegeta." You mock my pride. You make light of my impotent rage.

~ You had a lot of nothing to say. 

~ Come down.

You think you're some saintly divine gift to us. You see? I am even reduced to grouping myself with the grasping puny humans that call you friend. You are _nothing_. I choose to ignore my voice whispering, "What does that make of me?"

~ Get off your fucking cross.

~ We need the fucking space to nail the next fool martyr.

I raise my arm, fist clenched, and summon the awesome power that was not enough to defeat you. A familiar glowing aura envelops me, lighting up my features. I feel myself smile, a rictus grin I have no control over. Again, I hear their voices, and predominant over them all, that of my son. Faces float past my eyes, lips moving in unison.

~ _"To ascend you must die._

~ _You must be crucified_

~ _For your sins and your lies."_

I prepare myself. 

… _"He has me beaten completely – first by his own actions, and then through his son's. And what has he left for me here? How? How could you die like that? How, Kakarot?!"…_

~ Goodbye… 


End file.
